nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Randomize
