i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
