I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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