Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize