They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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