I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
