4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
