I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
