i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
