On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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