I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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