if i can run in heels then i can drive
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
God, you're like boner-b-gone
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize