TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
