i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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