I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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