Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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