I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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