i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
She bit a glass in half.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
