worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
im holly from the hills drunk
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I just found a bag of teeth...
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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