Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
