You made me cry and you don't even care
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
i've created a new STD.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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