did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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