He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
