I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
