he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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