She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
