What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
