I think i sorta joined a cult last night
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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