just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
