please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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