I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
