I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
jump out the window naked night went bad
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