we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
