mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
