Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
