Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize