You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
