i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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