please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
