Are we in a gay sports bar?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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