DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
