I will die if light touches me.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
