the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
