if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
