I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
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