Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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