Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
