I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
