so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
