My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
