She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
