i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
