Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
