I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
