I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Are we still banned from the library?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I need a burrito and a hug.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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