These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
