went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
