I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
