and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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