I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
