Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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