there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Houston, we have a blender
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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