So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
