My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize