Whatcha textin bout Willis?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
