The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
