Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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