Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
