so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
