How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
