better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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