hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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