my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
