This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
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