Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Randomize
